Hello Stepparents! With the new year upon us and many of us re-assessing and making plans for the year to come, I’m hearing that many of you are in the throes of deciding whether your relationship is working for you or if it’s time to move on. So, I wanted to speak to that.
We all know that becoming a stepparent and blending into a family is challenging and takes a lot of time and energy. It can take between 5 and 7 years before all the blending players start to find a grove with each other.
Being in a blended family is clearly not for the faint of heart. Though there are undoubtedly some difficult and painful moments and even stretches, it’s important to distinguish whether these are temporary or whether you are just torturing yourself or your kids.
Today I’m sharing 3 aspects to consider to help you assess your situation and gain clarity on which is the right choice for you.
Honor yourself and this stepparenting question with space and consideration.
Before jumping into our main topic, consider that during these taxing times you are stretched thin emotionally which takes a physical toll on you as well. And chances are that you find your emotions yo-yoing or all over the place.
Please don’t just rush through this content. I can’t stress enough the value of getting to a more grounded place emotionally and mentally. When you’re grounded and calm, you are better able to navigate these concepts and questions with clarity.
By doing so you’re honoring this important decision. And by giving this assessment the intentional space and attention, you move forward towards what you want and out of the swirl more quickly and confidently.
So before you listen on, I strongly urge you to revisit and listen to episode 11 titled 7 Key Components of a Stepparenting Sanity Routine. You can find the show notes for that episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/11.
3 Aspects Stepparents Should Consider When Deciding Whether The Relationship Has Run Its Course.
Consider the following question …
1. Do you, as the stepparent, feel safe in your relationship and home?
Do you feel safe and if you have children, do they feel safe? When I mention safety, I am talking about physical safety and emotional safety.
2. Is your partner considering and meeting your stepparenting needs?
Is your partner considering and meeting your needs in your relationship? And again, if you have a child is your partner considering and meeting their needs in the relationship? Is your partner’s child considering and meeting your child’s needs?
3. How are you, the stepparent, feeling in the relationship?
Are you having more positive emotions and experiences? Or are there more negative ones? If you have children, what is it like for them? Are they having more positive emotions or experiences or more negative ones?
How to effectively approach these questions in stepparenting?
Chances are good that you, as the stepparent, are a compassionate person and you like to help others and tend to be understanding of someone else’s hardships.
However, when considering these questions I’d like you to refrain from taking on things that aren’t yours. Meaning, don’t make excuses and rationalize someone’s inappropriate behavior. And watch for that trap that your mind might lead you into.
If you’re having a hard time staying objective, try the following …
- Do a pros and cons list.
- Consider how you would feel about the situation if your best friend came to you and shared these details? What would you advise him or her to do?
- If it’s hard to get clarity create an action plan with a clear deadline. For example …
- Decide that you’ll make a new pros and cons list each day at the end of the day or better yet at a specific time for the next 3 days.
- Decide that you’re going to journal about it for a week.
- If there are only a couple of specific things that came up that require more time and analysis, decide on how you’re going to move that analysis forward and how much time you’re going to set aside for it.
When it comes to your kids, what do you already know? Don’t assume you know how they feel. Create space to directly ask them. This might require a little time to create or take advantage of opportunities for these conversations.
The answers to these questions can be hard to tease out and arrive at on your own. And you don’t have to! If you’d like to know how I might be able to help, grab a discovery call at synergisticstepparenting.com/work. Let’s jump on a call and see if we’re a good fit!
I’d love to hear about your story and what your stepparenting journey has been like for you. I’d love to celebrate your wins with you and to hear what’s been troubling and what would be helpful to hear discussed in a future episode.
So please email me at maria@nullsynnergisticstepparenting.com and let me know!
Until next time, be well!
Related Episodes:
Get Out of the Stepparenting Autopilot Grind
How to Stay Sane in Stepparenting
How to Have Difficult Stepparenting Conversations
*Notes: How to leave a review on Apple Podcasts
- Open the Podcasts app on your iPhone, iPad, or Mac.
- Navigate to the Synergistic Stepparenting Podcast.
- On Synergistic Stepparenting Podcast page, scroll down to find the subhead titled “Ratings & Reviews.”
- Under one of the highlighted reviews, select “Write a Review.” If you like what you hear – give us a 5-star rating! And let us and others know what you like about the show.